This morning as I was doing my devotions, I kept sensing that I needed to read one my journals from last year and go to a particular time period. Well, it was definitely the Holy Spirit leading me because God began to show me a lot by looking at what I’d written in my journal. And it was intense. It’s amazing how
we I pray specific prayers and, by not looking back, we I fail to see that God may have answered the prayer in an unexpected way OR lose sight of the instructions God was/is giving...
Many of you know that the season I’m presently camped out hasn’t exactly been easy. In fact, it’s been pretty strange. A season of waiting, a season of loss, a season of trusting. Last fall, as I began to seek the Lord for specific direction and provision, the only thing that was made clear to me was that I was to take writing off the back burner. Though I listened and focused a bit more on writing and all the other things I knew to do, I still found no clarity in the other situations I was praying about. As time went on, the Lord revealed some things to me, not in the areas that I was looking for answers, but in regards to what I was to start writing about. Some of those things I’ve begun to share, some I was about to share.
Well, God showed me a lot today in the pages of my own journal today. Things that I might not have seen otherwise. One of the (many) things He showed was that I needed to take a break from blogging. WHAT!? I was a bit thrown off by that one initially. (It's wild because I've read other blogs where the author has stepped way for a season and I respected it but had a relief that it wasn't me...and then today!) Not gonna lie. I felt really sad. I even had tears (don’t laugh). I know in my heart that I’m to continue writing the things that God has put on my heart. However, for a season, I’ll be writing offline. For all I know, I’ll be back in a week, but for a time, I won’t be blogging. Days? Weeks? Months? No clue.
I find great healing and encouragement through writing. Often times, I am challenged by the Lord as I put my posts together. I've truly grown in my relationship with Jesus through writing. I love to write. The deep stuff. The silly stuff. All of it. Obviously, having a public blog is for others to read, but I write first and foremost because it's something I'm passionate about. It’s a part of who I am. One of my greatest joys in life is to encourage someone else through the Word of God. Really and truly. And the instances where someone else would be encouraged always blessed me. It was like a bonus.
Though I can’t make sense of this little break in my puny finite mind, I do know that it’s so important to listen to that still small voice. We’ve all heard it before pertaining to something in life that the Lord is shining His light on. At times I’ve heard it and obeyed but I confess at times I’ve ignored the voice (of the Holy Spirit) in the past and have regretted it later. I don’t want to regret anything. I want to honor God. If this blog has become an idol, then God forgive me. If God’s just telling me to put a good thing on the altar, there’s a reason. And there’s something greater. I don’t want good … I want great. God is great. His Word is great. (And I want to be suitably affected by His greatness...)
For those of you who are new here or just an occasional reader, it may seem like I’m super-sensitive and over-emotional about something as silly as blogging. However, to a writer, it’s kind of a big deal. At least it is to me. The blog becomes a part of you in some strange way. It may be weird to some, I’m just being honest. In the midst of so many things that I’m unsure about, blogging was the constant. But before all, Jesus needs to be the constant. I feel that if I can’t surrender something as small as this, then He’s not the constant.
I trust that He has something to show me and teach me in this season. Whatever it is, I am expectant and I want to clear the pathways so I hear every word. My reason for sharing this is two-fold. For those who do stop by to read, I didn’t want you to think I’d fallen off the planet. There’s no drama. Everything is okay. But the other reason though is just for anyone who might be in a place where God is putting His finger on a something in your life and it doesn’t seem to make sense. I encourage you … trust Him. Wait on Him. Even if it seems small. Don’t lean on your own understanding (I’m saying this to myself as I write this!). Just trust Him. He knows what He’s doing. And He has an amazing way of taking things that make no sense, both great and small, and using them for His glory. (Even the weirdest of things!) I want God to be glorified in my life in the great things and the small things. (And yes, even the weird). :-)
I'd love to hear from some of you. In fact, I'd love to know how I can be praying for you. Feel free to email me or leave a message on the Facebook page. Lots of love to you all!
pressing on toward the goal...